Living in one bedroom with my small family has left me wanting a lot. I want a house- a home, my own kitchen, my own comfy couch to be lazy on and eat ice cream out of the container in my jammy-jams. I want everything I see on etsy, because it would look so great in our home in France or our home next year. I want to make decor and toys for Ike. I want to create a safe place for my son. A place where he can relax and let down his spike. I definitely have not enjoyed living in the house we are living in now.  I want a place where I can make a batch of cookies for my husband. Or even a meal for him! I want a place where I can teach Ike how to stack blocks on a cozy rug and then knock down the tower because we are wrestling. I don't want to complain because this is right where God wants my family- but are those things too much to ask? A cozy rug? An oven?

More importantly, living in one bedroom with my small family has taught me a lot. Sure, there's nothing wrong with wanting a place with all the comforts that come with a house, but the comforts are still in our small bedroom just as they would be in large house. They're just harder to see. Everyday we leave the house early around 8am or 9 and we don't come home until nap time around 1pm or 2. We run around Sg finding things to do. We make friends. We greet the mrt workers we see a bajillion times a day, and we go to new places. I know for a fact if I were comfy in my own little corner in my own little chair then I would not have experienced Sg the way I have thus far. Some days, we got on the MRT and had no idea where we were going to go that day. We had so many walks where we ended up drenched in sweat and lost- not my favorite combo, but those walks were life we never would have experienced sitting on the couch watching Little Einstein's. Whether the moments were good or bad, we still had moments. Some were hectic and left us both wanting to go home- to a real home with our own walls and hide under the covers, but the moments that weren't make it all worth it. I'm glad we didn't have a home here in Sg. I'm glad our home is the MRT, the family room at INSEAD, pastamania, vivocity, cold storage, the botanic gardens, orchard road, bread talk, empress market, holland village, bugis street, sentossa island. I'm glad that home means us, together, and not couch with ice cream. These last four months, home has been uncomfortable, frustrating, and a lot of tired legs; but we have had life together. Life experiences that walls could never hold up. Home has been encouraging emails from friends and family. Home has been leaning on each other. I'm so weak and then I watch Ike light up while he dances on the bench and entertains the crowd. You are worn out from school and come home to a happy child and wife so anxious to see you. Ike gets tired of walking and we carry him and teach him things along the way. Home has been picking each other up so we can see the good around the corner. Helping each other to the next comfy place because we are in the middle of life- together. It hasn't been conventional, but it has been a chapter in our story for the grandkids.


*photo: Arenal Volcano on our trip to Costa Rica

cool stuff my kid does

*giving daddy a kiss and then mommy a kiss*

As I tried to hold you with my knees smashed up against the seat in front of me on the ferry somewhere off the coast of Malaysia, we were both drenched in sweat, tired, and hungry; I thought to myself, "This kid is entirely too big."

Ike. You are huge. You're practically a real human being now. You have a sense of humor, a basket full of emotions, and you know how to show love. You know how to be the naughtiest boy I've ever met and you push your boundaries daily hourly. I hope you are enjoying your life over here on the other side of the world. How many 15 month old (American) babies have the words "island" in their vocabulary? Your father and I hope you don't hate us for going to cool places when you won't remember. But if this year brings you anything, I hope it brings you knowledge. I didn't grow up with plane flights, different languages, public transportation, or traveling to other countries. I had a great childhood, but I didn't know much about the rest of the world. We are both learning so many new things this year and I'm enjoying having a little buddy to learn at my side. As we both try new food almost daily, or figure out new things in this crazy melting-pot-of-cultures-country, it's been good for me. Good for me because I have to pretend I like things and show you that I'm okay iy because you watch me. You watch my every move. If someone smiles at you and says hello, you look at me to make sure it's okay to smile and say hello back. If I don't eat what is served, you definitely don't eat what is served. It's also been good for me because you do try new things. You're always up for a good try. It's a rare occasion you refuse food or act shy in public, so it has been beneficial for me to see that adventurous spirit in you, as I am still cultivating mine. I appreciate what you are teaching me about life.

You are the funniest little man ever. You play games already. You hide your paci or book or elly your elephant under your legs and then call for it. On the MRT it's your favorite game- you place the book under your legs and then holler, "boooook. booOOOOoooK. waaar youuu" (where are you) and then open your legs and giggle. The other day you kept calling your juice "wa-wa." You know how to say juice so I wouldn't let you have it until you said juice. We went back and forth for about 5 minutes of wa-wa, juice, wa-wa, juice, until finally I won. You said juice; I gave it to you, and then you giggled, looked right at me and said wa-wa and then ran away. You, my dear, are anything but boring. And one more funny-man story: you wanted another cracker but I said no because you already had one. You shoved the entire cracker in your mouth, got another cracker, and then went to the trash can to spit out the cracker in your mouth. What goes on in that brain of yours? Well, I love it- whatever it is.

You do silly things like bend in half and walk around just to be funny. Or you'll roll your head around your neck or from side to side. When you're lying in your crib you get in weird positions and then shout so I'll look at you and you want me to laugh. When you get excited you just run around the room and yell. and keep running and yelling. Every morning you bring me your shoes (yoouuuss! youuuss!) and then run over to the door and say "go go ah-pen ah-pen!" (open) It's cute, but not that cute at 7:30 am. You wrap your paci holder around the back your neck and then suck on it that way- just because. And it's hilarious because you can't keep your head straight because it doesn't reach, but you just keep your head turned to the side and go about your business.

I love that you have so much passion. I hate that your passion is usually exercised by throwing your toys out of frustration because they are not functioning how you would like. You know that the lego pieces go together, so you assume that the legos stick to every thing. It's a very rough morning when you dig to the bottom of your toy box (it's just a shoe box) and find the lego pieces because I know that they won't stick to the ball or your other trucks, but you don't know that yet. I would take them away but then you would have like three toys, so...we practice not throwing.

You have all your books memorized. I can say go get boom boom boom and you'll bring me Mr. Brown, or I'll say let's find racer joe and you bring me the pilot penny book. You can't wait for the next page. You are always turning it and telling me what's happening on the next page. When we read the hungry caterpillar book, you count the fruit with me and say "doo dooo" (two) sometimes there will be a "wwwwuh" (one) in there, but it's rare.

You love routine. Last week I was finishing up an email and I told you to wait a minute and we will take a shower. You immediately ran and searched your toy box for your tooth brush (we brush our teeth in the shower. saves time) and then took your shirt off. You ran into the shower, opened the door, and stood there and waited until I was done. You did keep shouting WA-WA! WA-WA! the entire time, but you weren't getting into anything so I was pleased. You love routine in the mornings, too. You wake up and every morning you ask right away for "ngongaongga!"(granola bar) Never fails. When we go to the kitchen, you like to have your utensils. Before we're even through the door in the kitchen or I mention something about dinner or eating or snack, you start yelling, "poon!poon!" for your wooden spoon. And then you go under the oven and shout "hot!hot!"

I love that you are creative. I hate that you don't learn your lesson. Stop climbing onto that chair or table that you just fell off of! I am learning to be less hands-on and helping you to be more creative by yourself. Yesterday you got stuck (for the billionth time) on this scooter thing in the family room at INSEAD. I had had enough of getting your sorry ace off of it. So I decided if you got yourself on there, you can get yourself off (and maybe you won't go on it anymore). You fussed for a while and when you realized I was not going to get you, you wheeled yourself over to the shelf and used the shelf to get off. It was brilliant! I couldn't believe what I was watching. Before you get upset and say what a mean mother I am, this toy is very close to the ground. You could have simply leaned over with your hands and gotten off- which you did the next time you got on, but the point is that you never would have solved the problem yourself if I had swooped in and saved you. I'm proud of you and your creativity. I want to encourage that in your life because you have so much of it! I never want to stunt your development. You are getting bored with me and I'm hoping I can keep up with you so you always want to be with me.

Hey, kid. I love you so much it hurts. I could talk about you for the rest of my life.

my first vlog. IN FRENCH!

Movie 2 from kelly roedding on Vimeo.

as if you don't already know what I said, here you go: 
I am Kelly.
I am from the United States, but now I live in Singapore.
I love my son.
I love my husband.
My husband is a student at INSEAD.
I love to travel.
I do not work.
Merry Christmas!

I know other things like I have such and such or I like this and that. I know family members, some jobs and hobbies, and most of a song to the tune of jingle bells.

I am learning from free podcasts on itunes. He is a Scottish guy but he sounds pretty good when he speaks french...? I wouldn't know. My french friends here just smile and nod and say "très bon!" But we all know the French are going to hate me. James has this bit where he sounds like a southerner speaking french. It's hilar. Maybe he should be the vlogger. I've only got four more weeks to memorize the French language. We will be completely immersed. Only at the school will I hear English, most likely. We are in the country-side in small villages and forests, so not many speak English. (or care to speak it!)

I thought it was apropos to put a video up of ike learning a new language as well. He is currently working on his English, but he's got that great nasal sound for French working; I think he is going to be a natural. (Listen for it when he says "granola!")

IMG 8485 from kelly roedding on Vimeo.

He is talking up a storm. It seems every day he learns a new word. This is such a fun stage! His vocabulary now consists of the following: the parenthesis are how he pronounces it.

apple

banana (nana)

up

down (noun)

chip (dip)

raaniya (yan-yah) his bff

aaliya- his bff's sister

juice (doos)

water (wa-wa)

night- night

paci (daddy)

cup

shoes (woos)

walk (wall)

omma

papa

mimi

mama

dad

fork (for)

ball

car

taxi

choo-choo

hot

cold

all done

again ('gain)

help

home

owl

airplane (aaa-blane)

and tons more that i'm forgetting. I basically just made this list because I'm waiting for the videos to be done uploading. 

Indian Holi Festival, Singapore

*if you watch this you'll see james do the 80's ankle-grab-head-pump-thing
mobile from kelly roedding on Vimeo.

The video is taken on our iphone 4. So the quality is poor, but it was a fun day! Ike played in the color packets and danced around some, but he just loved to be passed around all day long. He wasn't quite sure what was going on, the music was loud, people were in his face all day, and strangers were touching him with all sorts of colors- so, he took it pretty well; I'd say. There is a large Indian population here in Singapore and at INSEAD.  It was fun to dance and be on the coast with everyone. 

When we asked our friend what Holi Festival was really all about he said, "It's a long story, something about a god died right before holi day and it also represents the coming of spring." ... right. ok, got it. We just told Ike we were celebrating that our Lord rose from the dead and is alive in Heaven. 

So, East Coast Park is on the opposite side of the island (20 min by taxi- 30 max with traffic) but no one brought clothes to change into (except the Indians..). Taxi's wouldn't pick us up, they wouldn't let us in the MRT, so we all had to walk about 2 miles to a bus stop. Then it was another 40 some- no exaggeration- stops and a bus change until we got home. We left Ike's pacifier at home so the whole ride home he was all, "daddy! daddy!" which is how he says paci. He did a good job though, all in all. I was very proud of him. 

HAPPYEASTER

Palau Ubin

Way back in February we went on a little trip to get out of the city to another part of Singapore, a little island called Palau Ubin. Palau means island in Malay. People go to the island for "hiking" (paved paths for the most part. i had flip flops on..) but mostly for biking. 

 It was Ike's first bus ride and first boat ride. Fell asleep on the bus, and missed the first trip on the boat. On the way home, though, he couldn't get enough of all the boat action. 

This was our ferry. We were pretty sure the captain lived here. 

We went with our good friends, Max and Agi. They are Austrian and some of the nicest people we have ever met. They are very adventurous and so fun to be around. Agi also speaks mandarin which she tried to help get us bargain on the boat ride home because to get back to the main land, we all of the sudden needed to pay for ike, too. (We didn't have to on the way over.) Since Ike has blonde hair and blue eyes, he looks exactly like their future child. On the mrt and everywhere we go with them, people think Ike is theirs; it's hilarious! 

This was Ike's first time using the backpack. He didn't love it, that's for sure. He enjoyed being out in nature, but he does not like to be confined. He did ok- even in the sprinkling on again/off again rain. 

This tree is pretty big or something. ha. Biggest one in singapore? Most lightening strikes? I forget what it's famous for, but something! It's big!

We had a great time. This island is apart of Singapore, but it's allowed to be only inhabited by about 45 people. Singapore granted Palau Ubin it's "freedom" in a contract that was signed for ten years. If Sg doesn't need the land space after the ten year contract is up, they can remain and will negotiate another contract. If Sg needs the land, then they will develop it. I'm rootin' for ya, Ubin!

just tons of photos of bali

We were here for three days and it was magical.

 We went to a Hindu temple on the coast. Bali is the only area in Indonesia that is not predominately Muslim. We were required to wear sarongs. James loved it-not. If seeing him in a skirt was sarong then I don't wanna be right!

 Fun fact: I am terrified of monkeys. I was very uncomfortable as there were about 100 monkeys all around us at the temple. Of course, James and Ike loved it. 

A terrifying story:

So, I was taking a photo for our friends and their two children next to some monkeys, when a monkey climbed up the mother's back and stole her sunglasses off the top of her head. I saw it happening and just screamed- I let out a continual scream until the monkey ran off. In the mean time, my friend shoves her boys forward and to the ground because she did not know what was happening. The boys start crying (4 and 2 years old), the father runs off to save the glasses and the mother was standing there in disbelief. At this point, I am freaking out. The monkeys have attacked and I was next. A local told us that if you trade something for the glasses they will give them back. I remembered we had almonds in our bag. James (and Ike) turned so I could get it out and as soon as I did, they closed in on me. (James says one stray monkey took a step in our direction.. but whatever.) They knew I had the goods and I was not going to make it out alive. I began to think of Ike and if he would enjoy his new mowgli-life. I panicked and handed the almonds to James. He took Ike off of his back to go help our friends who were now trying to trap the monkey in a corner. The mother told her boys to stay with me and she went to help. So, you can picture me, a complete mess, two crying children that are not even mine, tons of locals staring; I'm grabbing the boys to keep them close, and Ike is ooh-ooh-aahh-ing at all the monkeys. It's a miracle I made it out alive. 

The locals taking pictures with our kids. 

 We went to Padang Padang beach after the temple. Ike played in the sand and water and just about fell asleep on a local woman. 

He loves playing in the sand. I'm glad we were terrible parents to him in Thailand and made him cry it out on his first sand experience. It's made beach trips much happier. 

 His preferred position.

 No sunscreen vs sunscreen

oh, and we're twins, am I right?

All he has to do is look at me and my heart explodes. 

How big is our God?

 Oh, so, get this. We arrive around 10pm and they don't have our reservation. James, being the type-A he is, has all of our confirmation emails printed out and shows the manager. They were kind and didn't argue with us and put us in a very nice room for the night. He told us he would work out the rest of the weekend details tomorrow. We were supposed to be in a bungalow, which is just like the room we were in, but a stand alone hut. The next morning, they tell James they are moving us to the private villa! With our own pool! A huge house! With stairs! It was amazing and you better believe we're going to give that place a good review. It worked out for everyone. We traveled with 4 other families, so, everyone could hang out at our place, and then we didn't clog up the others slummin it in not private villa pool. 

 This is where we ate breakfast every morning 

why i say we needed a win while having the time of our lives

"What the problem, child?" some of the sweetest and best broken English that has ever been spoken to me. I lifted my head up out of my hair to spy an elderly Chinese woman next to me in the bright blue mrt bench. she asked me again, "what the problem?" I wiped my tears and awkwardly laughed as I pretended to tend to Ike in the stroller. "Beautiful baby," she says, and all I could do was weep and shake my head and laugh more. Her stop came and she got up and put her hand on my cheek. I just knew she was going to touch me when she was getting up, so I made sure that I didn't flinch or shy away which is what my natural reaction would have been. With her hand on my cheek, she said something in mandarin and then in English said, "it be OK."

Many people have asked me, "Why are you having a rough time?" or "You look so happy; I didn't know anything was wrong?" or "What a spoiled brat, she's living in Singapore, went to Thailand last weekend and now Bali?! How could she be struggling?" (not to me personally, but in their heads I'm sure). Well, those are good questions. Many people asked because of some vague comments on facebook or elsewhere that I have put up, that is due to my mother putting our situation on the church prayer chain (thanks, cath!.. not.) I kid, I kid. We appreciate everyone reaching out to us.
Well, nosey nellies! Here it is!

We lost another baby two weeks ago in Thailand. I was ten weeks pregnant. I was having complications before we left and I went to see a doctor. The ultrasound showed the baby only measuring at 6 weeks without a heart beat. some people think we are crazy for going on the trip, but it was good for us to be away as a family. We were all together and not stuck in a room on a high floor of a building surrounded by other buildings. We took both our babies to Thailand- showed them the beach, and ate pad thai and tofu and Thai pancakes, but came home with only one baby.

We are doing well. I know that God prepared my heart a month ago for this. I remember talking with God and just praising Him for how good He has been to us so far. The move was crazy- but good. School was crazy- but good. Ike was crazy- but good. Things were difficult and we were experiencing some of the hardest things we have ever faced, but God was so good to us. I remember saying that even if the rest of the year was awful, that I would remember His grace is sufficient. So, when things were good and I praised Him, why would I not praise Him now? Losing the baby was heartbreaking- but good. I don't know why He said no. I'm pretty sure He knew- and everyone else for that matter, how much I wanted another baby. I've been dying for another baby since Ike was 2 months old! I wanted all our kids close in age so they would be best friends and have so much in common. Now, I see my dream slipping away as they will be 2+ years apart now. I am resting- truly resting, in the assurance that God's timing is perfect. He knows my dreams and He knows my future. Of course, I want another baby so badly I can hardly stand it, but I am so comfortable with God's plan for my life- since it's not my life anyway, but His.

Some people choose to be private about their miscarriages. To each their own, and I understand. However, since I'm an expert now with two under my belt, I realize how common they are for women. I am proud of my babies; I am so thankful for Ike. I want people to know that. Some people might look at me differently, mostly with pity, but I want them to look a woman who has never loved her son more. A woman who has never loved her husband more. A woman who wants to be in labor so badly that she dreams about it- about the intense, mind-numbing pain, because of how much joy it brings. I want them to see that when I let Ike get all messy in the food or pick him up during nap time because he doesn't want to be alone, that I let him because not only could he be my only baby, but that I'm an engaged mother active in her child's development. When I look in the mirror, I want to see a woman who encourages her son to be a kid because I know it is so precious. I want to be a woman who is strong, but also boasts in her weakness as Paul teaches us about in 2 Corinthians. I want my family to be proud of me, and most importantly, I want to teach Ike how to respond in faith, not in anger when bad things happen. This is the greatest lesson I believe I have learned from my parents. I know Ike won't remember his little baby sister (I think it was a girl :)), but I know that how I respond now is only a trial and training for the future.

There are so many people around us pregnant and having babies and we are so happy. We have no resentment or jealousy, only thankfulness for our son. We still love babies! We are happy in Singapore and looking forward to our next move at the end of April to France. We are keeping our heads up and enjoying the life God has for us. So, yes, it be OK. :)





ahappierpostonbaliiscomingupsostaytuned

koh phi phi, thailand.

 {post-pregnancy wavey hair, anyone? before ike my hair was straight as a board}

[a gaggle of guests on phi phi made their way out to the sand bar to get pictures of the white boy and his family. we sat there while each one took a photo as a group, and then for them individually, and then more group photos at the end. oh, and several had their own photos holding ike. it kind of all happened so fast and they didn't speak english and loves to be held so it kind of worked out for everyone. i'm just going to go ahead and defend myself here for those who are questioning my parenting. yes, it was hard for me at first when people gathered and took photos and tried to take him out of the stroller to hold him or ask us to pose for a photo for them, but james quickly reminded me that i did/do the same thing. when i'm in africa, i take photos of the little african babies, and photos of their mom holding them, and i ask them if i can hold their child. i was completely floored when he opened my eyes to a different perspective. it's still hard to get used to- especially when it happens in public places and people start forming a line... but we have made rules. if ike is ever uncomfortable or doesn't want to be held or entertain people, we don't let it happen. we trust our gut, if someone seems fishy, we kindly say no thank you. if i am alone, i do not let men take photos of us. and i make sure that ike is always properly dressed, or i don't let people.]


james had a long weekend so we went to thailand! we flew into phuket, stayed in patong beach area at the cutest little villa and then took the first ferry to phi phi don the next day. we stayed 3 nights, which most people only stay one or just come for the day, but we were ready to relax. besides, with a toddler it is better on him to not be in a new place every night. ike basically went to one nap on this trip because we were out and about doing things (the beach and eating). he was unsure of the beach at first and refused to walk in the sand at all. being the terrible parents we are, we made him sit and play in the sand a bit and he warmed up pretty quick. he was a fish in the water, too! i couldn't believe it. he was in (his) shoulder deep water and run/swimming between us. he was the cutest little pouncer. He even went under several times on a failed pounces and popped back up smiling- after of course, all the choking and the gasping.

phi phi was good to us. we had a rough week and were looking forward to being away together as a family. when we first got there, we were wondering what in the world we were thinking to be going to a hot, sandy, dirty, over-populated place with a toddler, but it didn't seem that bad after seeing how much ike loved the water and all the people and the adventure it was for him. i ate lobster soup every chance i could get and james ate green curry. ike actually ate a lot of tofu. and we got a nutella thai pancake every time we passed by the stand that sold them. we had no wifi in our room which we kind of hated when all that was on the english channel was the perfect storm. [which, by the way, is the dumbest movie ever. the captain totally killed everyone. and barely said he was sorry. oh, and diane lane and mark wahlberg a couple? worst casted couple of all time.] but we liked it because we were able to focus on each other more.

i enjoyed thailand because the people are a lot friendlier than in singapore. the people actually smile back at you on the street- or better yet- they might even smile first! we just felt very comfortable there and at this point in our lives, everywhere we visit is a potential place to live, so we are always evaluating. because of the food, the close beaches, the people, thailand is a win in my book.